The Sweet Life...

...of me and my boyfriend. (I can hear some of you laughing already.)  But really, I'm out of town and I miss him.  He's sweet and snuggly, like a bear.  Some of you are thinking, "Grizzly Man?" because you are worried that the bear is only tolerating me and will someday eat me alive.  What you don't know is that I am really, really salty and weird... like a crab.  If you piss me off I'll pinch the shit out of you and then frantically run sideways down the beach until a wave carries me back into the ocean.  On a good day, however, I'll allow my legs to be plucked from my crispy shell, cooked, smothered in butter, and then eaten.  So, although the bear is bigger and growls a lot, he's ultimately a simple creature that sleeps for half a year and wakes up to eat ants and honey.  The crab, on the other hand, is a tiny bitch waiting for any excuse to use the pinchers.