Well... it's my birthday.  And I'm really into that. 
Here's what I'm not into: people saying they will do something and not doing it. 
I don't care what the hell it is, but I get especially frustrated when I'm lied to.
Listen people, I'm a 12 year old with a learning disability OK? If you tell me you'll give me a cookie, I'm going to be waiting all day for the goddamn cookie.  And like a poor kid with OCD, I'm going to be so focused on you and your stupid cookie that I forget all about how much fun I was having before you came around with your false claims.  And the thing I don't get is... if you can't/won't/don't want to give me a cookie, why did you offer in the first place?  When I was little, my dad would say, "want to go get some ice cream?" Me: "ahduh yesssss" Dad: "that's nice, I was just wondering."  Thanks a lot, Dad.  That game wasn't fun when I was 6 and it still sucks at 28.
I believe I so badly tarnished my dating karma when I went out with Bryan, that now everything is one big cosmic joke.  I have been asked FOUR times since Jan. 1, 2010 to be in a threesome with four different established couples.  REALLY YOU ASK?  Fucking really.  I guess it's a compliment, but it has a way of ruining the moment, if you get my drift.  The point is... I have feelings too people!!  When did I become the girl you bring home to your girlfriend/boyfriend for an anniversary present?  Maybe I could get propositioned by someone single?  Does that seem fair? 
Instead, when I call someone I really like to confirm plans, I not only don't see the guy, but I sit out front of a club gushing tears and being comforted by a homeless dude!  (part of this gushing was due to the sake bombs, part of it due to my own lameness, part of it because that was a really nice homeless dude). 

So... apologies to my roommate for being a lame-o on her birthday, which is also st. patrick's day, which is also the eve of my birthday.  I wanted to grow a sac and enjoy the band, but when I realized that I once dated the bartender (john) who was working last night, I felt that I positively do not have the luck of the irish.  So, I ran away from my friends and cried in the privacy of a doorstep on Polk street.  But not being really hidden, a lot of spectators were mystified by my sadness and tried to help.  One guy even circled the block 3 or 4 times in his creepy white van asking me repeatedly if I needed a ride!  I was tempted but thought... WHY?  even creepo will find a way to get inside of my head and then spring it on me that he's only interested in having me over to please his bi-curious lady. 

All I wanted was to wake up next to someone special on my birthday. 

But so much for that romantic bullshit... let's go find your girlfriend!!